I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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