this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
