Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
