and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
