Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dear god my vagina.
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