i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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