this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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