I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize