She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize