I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize