its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my liver is dry heaving
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize