I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
