the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
