I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
