either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize