I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
