Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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