Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
