I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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