I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
