Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what day is it and did you see me today?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize