I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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