But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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