NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
