dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
