And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
