I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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