stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
