Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
