Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
