in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
