If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
