is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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