woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
