Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
