sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
