I want to have your abortion
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
