Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
