You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
