I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
