matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize