you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
