we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Such a big mess for such a small penis
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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