I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
