i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
nutella sex= disaster
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
