I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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