I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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