Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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