you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
