I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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