My friends, they love my intelligence
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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