How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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