i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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