I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize