I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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