Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
