i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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