My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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