David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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