Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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