Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
