The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
